Posted in Musings and Reflections

I Install Lights

an upper room
requiring renovation
long neglected by life
and other tasks
has now become
my pandemic
project

i work alone
my hands heart
and mind busy
contemplating these
strange rather
obscure days
the world covered
over with a kind
of film

and so
to illuminate
a forgotten room
and perhaps
a fearful world
i install
lights

Posted in Musings and Reflections

When Suddenly I Am Left Adrift

upon these roiling
seas of uncertainty
distanced from loved ones
whose choices give rise
to the screaming wind

my voice is a whisper
drowned out by the past
raw from its shouting
unheeded unheard

in the distance
there is a light
an offering of grace
a kind of letting go
where the storm abates

my little boat
sails beneath the lee
and i find i have
somehow entered
again into
the silence

Posted in Musings and Reflections

Miss Information

i must make the choice
it is way past time
the lure of being informed
has ensnared me again
i know enough
for now

the line between wisdom
and blissful ignorance
is a fine one indeed
and at times as in
this moment
i must refrain from
pressing the link or
reading the bold
headlines on the
front page
until i can read
again with a measure
of compassion
instead of rage
at the wrongness
of the right
the naivete of
the left
the power struggles
the lust for money
the shootings in the streets
and in places of worship

so it is time
again
for a Sabbath
a stepping away
from the media
not to forget about
this groaning world
but to enter into
a place of prayer
and reflection
and so receive
perhaps
a different kind of
story from the
one who knows
the end to
this one

Posted in Musings and Reflections

Until Tomorrow Became Today

yesterday was a hard day
maybe that’s why my mind wouldn’t let me sleep until tomorrow became today

to say that i am dismayed at the
continued stupidity of members of our species would be an understatement

in one 24 hour period i have witnessed
the loss of a job
the endangering of elders
the lack of social distancing
the misinformation by a news network
the worship of avarice
the belittling of my advice
the cluelessness of a certain worldview
the angry response to a gift

this world is too good for us
and if history is any indicator
the lessons learned will be non-existent or the wrong ones

yet in the today that was yesterday
i was listened to
i stepped out of my comfort zone
i faced my fear
i looked into blazed eyes
i delivered food to strangers
i bit my tongue
i laughed
i did not have the last word
i did not take on the
irresponsibility of others
i felt the new hope of old dreams
i pieced together inlay
i cut beauty from old wood

o god,
this virus,
like the rain,
falls on the just and the unjust,
the stupid and those with common sense, alike, whether i wish it
were otherwise or not
and as i continue to marvel
at your infinite patience
with our idiocy,
help me to see the beauty
in all of this ugliness.

amen

Posted in Musings and Reflections

An Extinction Event

As is often the case during a pandemic, the discussion turns towards whether this particular incident will be an extinction event, namely that the human race will cease to exist as a result.

My concern is not that the human race survives such a calamity, but whether in the process of surviving, we lose our collective soul.

That would indeed be a quite different yet much more tragic extinction event;

the survival of a species devoid of its humanity.

Posted in Musings and Reflections

TWD – *TOH

some of you will continue your evolution towards fully
becoming the walking dead

you will think only of protecting
yours and your kind
you will buy more guns and ammunition
you will still drive
(and live) without regards to
strangers
you will prioritize money over people
women and children will still die
in the hood over your perceived slights
you will continue to place your faith
in weapons outmoded philosophies
conspiracy theories and a worldview
founded on fear
you will continue to weaponize your religion
you will make plans to weaponize a virus

you probably will survive
your humanity will not

the rest of us will remain human
we have been prepared for this
our hearts will remain open
we will sing from balconies
we will play cellos where
snipers fire
we will listen to the voice of
wisdom shouting in the streets
we will march forth in a spirit
of hope and sharing
we will give our lives if need be
we will love
we will choose to be kind
we will serve
we will tend the sick
we will give our ventilator to a stranger
we will die by the thousands

we may not survive
but our humanity will

(*the open hearted)

Posted in Musings and Reflections

The Aging Artist Invisible

i awake from deep slumber with thoughts of yesterday’s sadness still raw in my heart and mind. the song break it down again comes to me here in the red light of a cold morning. the weight of what it means to be an aging artist invisible after years of work and where-what now to put my energy towards leaves me curled up in a ball. i have no answers. and yet there is something i think in not becoming overwhelmed by giant thoughts. break it down again. the big picture sometimes just gets bigger and bigger until it floods the senses and leaves me paralyzed by the unknown. break it down again. what are the bits and pieces of a satisfied life. what do i act on. no more sleepy dreaming. break it down again. this is more than success, ego, or legacy. i do not seek the spotlight, but i also am tired of toiling in the shadows. what is my forum. is it time for me to dim, or to burn bright with compassion, to fade into love for the other and leave my dying dreams behind. where can i find in me the beauty of decay.

Posted in Musings and Reflections

Resistance is Futile – Joining the Persistence

Resistance is the latest buzz word it seems, though it is not a new thing.

See Big Mountain – Resistance.

“Your modern ways don’t inspire me. Jah Jah guides.”

So is resistance futile, as so stated by the hive mind collective Borg in Star Trek? I don’t know, but I have found a nagging discomfort within regarding fully participating in the current manifestation of the so-called Resistance.

Perhaps it is because I have seen this all before. A new public figure demonized. The masses crying out for justice. A few bread crumbs of change thrown to mollify them until they return to their normal sleep walking existence while real change remains elusive.

So pardon me for my insistence at putting some distance between me and this instance of the Resistance.

Perhaps it is because I suspect that while our attention is on what seems obvious, the movement is subverted by the subtle, not-so-easily-discernable lies that keep us chained within.

So as I have pondered my resistance to the Resistance, a word has risen to the surface of my inner tumultuous ocean.

That word is persistence.

Another word for this (at least in theological circles) is faithfulness.

As I have reflected on what these words mean, some thoughts have begun to percolate in my brain.

Persistence is about taking the long view, vision, and/or second sight, by overlooking petty differences, and refusing to be short sighted.

Persistence is about humbly acknowledging that in the present we see through a glass darkly, that the revelation of truth is a gradual thing, that it is best revealed in radically diverse company, and that no one person or group has a corner on the truth no matter how loud he/she/they may shout.

Persistence is a marathon, not a sprint.

Persistence is about learning to breathe and taking the time to do so. It is about both inhalation and exhalation. It is about being mindful of what we breathe in and what we breathe out. It is about what words we say and when silence can be a shout.

Persistence is an acknowledgement of the great cloud of witnesses, saints and sinners, who have walked this road before, and who are watching how we walk this road now. It is the knowledge that we break no new ground, that we walk in their footsteps, that this river at least, when we step into it, is the same river, is constant, and has been rushing since the beginning of time towards the inevitable thundering fall of justice.

Persistence is the trust in Alpha and the Omega, in the beginning and the end. It is the faith that we know the end to the story, and that this end is good news.

Persistence is never surrendering to despair, never giving up on hope, always believing that love conquers all, that love never fails.

It is remaining faithful to the bitter, and not so bitter, end.

So on this day, with this faith, I am joining the Persistence.

Join us, won’t you?

Posted in Musings and Reflections

I know this is not where you expected to wind up, but I hope you’ll stick around for at least a little while and then stop by again.

Search engines are not omnipotent.

Gazing over this past year’s stats, I cannot help but wonder which posts were actually visited on purpose and which were a matter of mistaken identity, their stickiness catching the unwary flies on the web.

There are endless discussions and ideas about how to drive traffic to your site, what tags to use, how to create a fetching title, and so on. I’ve tried most if not all of them. I have been blogging for over 10 years. The number of followers has remained around the same. Readership and views has increased somewhat based on how much I write, maybe 25-30 views a day for a post.

The only thing viral about my blog is when I post about being sick.

It can be disheartening, especially when I see others much younger than I suddenly discovering and writing about topics I have been exploring for years unnoticed while they garner much glory, laud, and honor.

But comparison is a dead end street.

Who or what defines success, or for that matter, a meaningful post? I love sharing and want it to be just as meaningful to you, the reader. But if it isn’t, does it make it any less precious? Does what I write give me joy, and is that enough?

I am learning that with all of the forums available, there are so many options to share, so many voices seeking an ear, with really no rhyme or reason as to which voice suddenly grows louder at any given moment.

And here I am, one more voice clamoring to be heard.

I am not sure if I should go completely silent. That is always an option. Call it a day. Go back to filling loose leaf notebooks with scribblings. Gather them back into myself like precious friends. (Do I feel so disjointed and scattered because I have cast so much of myself out upon the web?)

Or is it just a matter of letting go of the ego and writing simply for the words’ sake, because I love to, and if it resonates with you then that is even more wonderful, right?

Honesty causes me to look deeply inside and wonder if I truly wish for more followers or if I am pointing others to the One to follow.

All very good things to ponder I think. So for now, I will write, and let the words fall where they may . . . midst weeds, thorns, or soil, hard or soft.